Vulnerability,

may be perhaps, my biggest flaw. Just the thought of letting someone in, and kicking myself out is terrifying to me. I hate to have anyone feel sympathetic, because I feel so many have been through much more than what I have. I am not trying to have you feel sorry me as you read that last sentence. What I am trying to say is that, there are SO many stories beyond mine that really mean something. There are people that have bounced back and are happy. I have issues, as do all of us in our right minds.

The reason I am so defensive about my stories is because they spark up memories, which make them the past. I am glad they are in the past. I get so emotional when such things are brought back up, and I do not want anyone to think any different of me. Think of me as how I am, now what I have been through, because me going through what I have gone through, there are a million more out there.

My flaw is not an over-nighter. It will not just be solved. I am obstinate, and tend to reflect on such negative things that they keep me up all night. It is truly hard to give myself advice, but I have it.

I must let go, do whatever it may be to relief me of my past pain. You see, me dwelling on such topics from my past, will enter into my present and future and will hold me back. If I want to help others, I must start with myself first. If I do not speak of such problems to anyone, there may be just ONE person who needed to hear it. Hear that I'm there for them, and that I've been through it. I mustn't care what others say or think, for it will also hold me back, thus leaving me where I began this writing.

My tough exterior may look intimidating, but inside I am quite a sensitive person, as are many. I need to overcome the hinderances and bounce back up. I must show that at times, I can be depressed and I can speak about it. I can confide, whether it be in a friend, or this here writing. I need to get it out.

My message for you if you're going through the same, don't bottle it in. I know you have probably heard it from a teacher or a councelor, but think of it as this, if you keep all this vulnerability inside your weakening defense blocker of a body, you will always be stuck with it. You will not graduate from yourself, which means you aren't in control of yourself. It is up to you to release such stresses on you because if you do not, who will? Although it sounds extremely negative, you cannot seek help without defining the problem itself.

Look at the person and the mirror, face to face, let your guard down. You are a hero. You are an impact on this world. Your struggles, whatever they may be, are others struggle. Don't hide from yourself. You are your biggest role model. You have everything to live for. Breath in, breath out...

Release.

--daviduh.